Fatherhood|Above and Beyond

 

As I sat on a cosy little bench, stretched my legs and enjoyed the warmth of April’s sun, I couldn’t help but teared up a little watching my boys play with the ball by the river. They were happy tears, tears of contentment and joy. A sudden rush of warmth spread all over my body, filling up my soul with peace and unconditional love. “That’s my happy,” I thought.

My boys, my husband and our son are the only two important boys in my life.

Our baby boy has recently turned one, leaving us to wonder where did the time go. He is a delightful little boy, whose courage and curiosity to explore the world around him is undeniably the most inspiring thing I’ve ever seen! He is shy, yet at times such a naughty little bundle of joy, wrapped in layers of cuteness and cheekiness at the same time; plus add a touch of stubbornness, mixed in with some admirable wit and impressive desire to get what he wants; with sprinkles of a very contagious laughter , topped with moments of sweetest affection.

Finally, we had a chance to go out all three of us and had a bit of fun in the sun.pexels-photo-69096.jpeg

My husband works a lot…countless and very long hours, including weekends, to ensure that we have everything we need and we are comfortable in life, that’s why it is very difficult for us to have quality time together. He is so tired, but he never complains, he just gets it done still with a smile on his face. He does it for us, he does it better than I ever could and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

No matter how tired, he’d still rock our boy to sleep most of the nights, and I do my best to attend to our baby throughout the night so my husband gets at least some sleep.

Teamwork, it’s called!

It made me sad to see our son giving his father a tough time from time to time, refusing to be rocked by him and calling for me when his dad was doing his best to share those precious moments with him.

Although my husband understood the reasons why at first our son was more attached to me, simply because he spent all day long with me, but I know that deep inside it hurt his feelings a little bit. He just wanted to be with his little boy. Just like most babies, our baby couldn’t understand that daddy had to work to give us the life we were living. So I tried my best to step away and give them time to bond without me in the way and encouraged my husband to carry on with the bathing time or rocking because those were the moments that would help our boy to further bond with his dad. And he did! Soon ‘Mama’ was replaced with ‘Dada’ and boy, this was the happiest smile I’ve ever seen on my husband’s face when he finally heard ‘Dada’ loud and clear!

Daddy’s turn

It wasn’t long before our little jewel has gotten into the routine of saying bye-bye to his dad when he would go to work every morning; and would rush to the door in order to greet his father, every time he would hear the keys rambling outside. From that point on in the evening our son’s focus and attention would turn to daddy as he would happily tag along following my husband everywhere he’d go. That’s their Boys time!

Watching them play together, was beyond words special for me. My husband, who has an immense amount of work pressure to deal with on daily basis, was just freely and happily chasing the ball, passing it back to his son, looking like an excited kid himself.

He is a strong person, my husband, a lot stronger than me. He has me with all my bugs to put up with, our boy and we all know babies are not easy to look after, work…a lot of it…and us as a family to look after…

I watched them play and I continued to wonder how did he manage to find strength, time and patience to deal with all that and has never failed to show me how much he loves and appreciates me!

How did he manage to find time to teach our little boy some of the most amazing things! He has taught him to brush his teeth (as good as baby can) and taught him to slide off the bed in the safest way; to lift his head when rinsing the shampoo after having his hair washed and eat with a spoon…folk now… He has taught him to dance and to kick the ball around. Together they read books, watch football, build towers than of course destroy them; they cook and wash dishes, Hoover  (with our boy happily sitting on his dad’s shoulder) and even hang laundry together, doing their best to help me with chores around the house.

For our boy, ‘Dada’ is the magic word! He lights up every time his dad picks him up and I couldn’t feel any happier. They get their boys’ time together and mama gets a minute to herself.
Father’s bond with his child is not something that could be put into words.

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Just like motherhood, fatherhood is a unique and beautiful journey! Fathers are the rocks, backbones of the family. The heavy lifters and soft and sweet lovers and carers.

The love that both mothers and fathers have for their child is unconditional. Father’s bond with their child is slightly different, yet just as deep. Having to grow up without a father, for me my mother was my mum and dad; I  have never known what it feels like to have a complete family.

My boys

Today, I am blessed to have one of my own and I feel blessed and grateful that my son gets to grow up with the most amazing dad by his side. I know that my husband will teach him most precious in life values and views, showing him how to be not just a great man but a wonderful person. How to appreciate life and people around and how to be honest and kind, to be fair and free from judgement, to be understanding and respectful. If something was to happen to me, my mother’s heart is at peace as I know my boy is in the best hands!

I couldn’t have gone through the entire birth experience if I didn’t have my husband there with me holding my hand all the way through. I kept telling my midwives that I just needed him with me. It felt like, holding his hand was my pain relief.

Somehow, I felt that as long as I had his hand I could do it! It was a natural birth without any pain relief. He held me and he got me through it.

I had to be taken away for a couple of hours after the delivery and my boys were left together to wait for me. When I returned, I saw my husband looking so different! He was the same boy I fell in love with 7 years ago but at the same time he was a new man, a lot more masculine,  I mean a different kind of masculinity, a father like masculinity, I’ve never seen him looking like this before. He held our son in his arms and he was consumed by that little cub. At that moment I knew, we were going to be just fine because the man in front of me was my husband and the father of our son.

This experience has bonded us even more and has brought us closer together, taking our marriage and relationship to a new place, a place of settle happiness and contentment. It feels particularly special, having not just your spouse or partner by your side but your best friend to go through this journey of parenthood together.

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It’s so easy to get consumed by the bubble of parenthood and stop noticing the things and people around because it is overwhelming and it’s not easy. You are left to figure it all out as well as battle with your own self as you start to evolve and face a journey of change, turning into a new parent and a new version of yourself; and of course constant lack of sleep and tiredness, juggling work and daily routine and chores, don’t make it an easier.

Mothers & Fathers

Mothers, we do a tremendous amount of work for our babies and for our families, but in my eyes fathers do just as much, just from the other side of the parenthood bridge. They are always there to catch us! They are always there to listen to what we have to say or what we feel, and let’s be honest we always have something to say as we always have a lot of feelings! They always handle us the best way they can when we have a bad day… And boy we have a lot of bad days…

They are at the recipient end of all our hormones and emotions post delivery and for months after. They understand, they support and they just deal with it. They know, believe me, they do, that we have done the greatest job and we have given life to their child so they know that they can not even think of saying anything back to us or talk about tiredness or when it comes to hormones or pains. We go for months complaining and they just help us through it all.

Whether they do things exactly how we want them done or not, women have a tendency to envision how they want their laundry folded or rugs hovered, and the man often doesn’t get the picture image sent to them, so they just do the best job they can, and for me, that’s enough.

They get a fair bit to handle and the biggest part of that is us with all our emotions and feelings; sometimes when I stop and listen to myself, I realise that I am not an easy thing to deal with.

Fathers are just like mothers , even if they do things in another or different way! They are not the other or second parent they are the Parent. They have just  as important role in the lives of our babies as mothers do. They are the role models, the believers the motivators. Sometimes a lot crazier and more obsessive than us, mothers…
Our boy heard his father’s wish for him to become a footballer, a striker (preferably a left footed one, apparently there’s more demand for them )when our baby was 6 months and still in my belly!

My husband never complains, and I felt awful when it finally stroke me that he was simply keeping it all inside. He was quiet not because he didn’t have anything to say but because he didn’t want to bring up his feelings as for him my feelings were way more important. How sweet is that? Yet completely unfair. Fathers, just like mothers are first of all human beings. We all allowed to have feelings and we are allowed to express them. Feelings of both are equally important. I know I’m a good and loving wife and mother but I now want to learn to be a better friend for my husband as he is my best friend! and  I want to be there a lot more for him than I have been since out boy was born. Yes , it is understandable, that I had and continue to have a lot to take care of , a baby is a baby, but I want to be able to be the support and the friend for him as he has always been for me.

In the end

There are so many mothers who are going through motherhood by themselves and there are many fathers who are also doing it by themselves. Both giving their all to be the best parents they can be. This love and sacrifice doesn’t have a gender… It’s simply called Parenting!

So here’s to dads, who are doing it their way! Your way is the best way, however different or imperfect! What you see as imperfections, your children see as super hero powers! You are all amazing and you are blessing your children with a love of a father , a love so deeply treasured by every child! And on behalf of the inner child in me, there’s no greater gift than having your father believing in you!

And to my husband , I thank you for the amazing man that you are! For the most wonderful husband and father! I thank you for every thought and every moment you dedicate to me and our son! For every cake and every flower you’ve brought me ! For every minute, day and hour you’ve loved me!

4 thoughts on “Fatherhood|Above and Beyond

Add yours

  1. Daaaaamn!!!!!!! That’s another awesome piece!!!

    There are many things a lot of mother I’m sure would like to verbalise to their husbands who have stuck by them through childbirth which can be daunting and scary and cannot find the words, but you have!! Well done!!!! xx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you so much Rene!
    I tried to find all the right words to express how my heart feels! When you have a partner to share your life with it is so important not to get consumed by every day life and to notice all the little and big things they do for us. I am a working progress myself 🙂 !

    Best wishes,
    Mayden

    Like

  3. Awesome… Absolutely loved it and mostly from a father’s point of view, thank you for sharing your experience and thoughts not only from a mothers perspective but showing from a Father’s to.
    As a father myself I try to be the best I can be for my kid and at times I feel like I’m failing and that there’s more I could do, and now with only two months I’m having a second little bundle of joy coming into this crazy world. I’m excited don’t get me wrong but I feel a bit trapped that I can’t fully provide as much as I want.
    Anyways always a pleasure reading your material and this one has been an inspiring one thank you again.

    Have a great week.

    Mike

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Corvin
      Thank you so much for your lovely comment! Fathers are as important as mothers , we play vital patenting roles but from different angels.
      My congratulations on baby number two! I know what you mean , about not being able to provide as much as you’d like for your family, this is something very close to my heart, but please remember that most importantly your babies have you , a great father , a great friend, to guide them and to always love and care for them. Money can be earned , but precious bond between a parent and a child is not something that money can buy! You are a great father I’m sure and the fact that you wan to do more for your kids just says it all! Sometimes its hard to see beyond the walls around us, and i feel trapped and like a failure often too, but I know that we are not failing! We simply can’t be , because we are doing our best for our children, giving it our all, and we are the best parents we can be!
      Thank you so much, I’m so glad that my stories can be inspiring for mothers and fathers!

      Best wishes

      Mayden

      Like

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